We grievers often have songs that remind us of our person: who they were, what they were like, where we were when we met them, where we were when they died. Songs that remind us of a particular time of year, the anniversaries, the secondary losses, and what we’ve gone through in the days and years since the funeral. Songs to fill the moments when it’s too quiet. Songs that come on the radio when we least expect them, especially when all we want is silence.
When I was writing An Obesity of Grief: A Journey from Traumatic Loss to Undying Love, music played in my head with every scene and chapter. To help me focus, I put together a playlist that I thought best reflected my story from love to loss to what-the-hell-do-I-do-now to bad decisions to finally understanding and forgiveness. It was cathartic and difficult at the same time. All those memories wrapped up in someone else’s lyrics, and yet, the pain of remembering was (and still is) helpful and freeing. My tears and bittersweet longing were best let out and experienced rather than tucked so deep inside that they affected how I moved in the world, which was usually afraid or angry.
Is there a song or a list of songs that help you grieve? What are your go-to songs when you need a reminder of your person?
Here’s the link to my list on Spotify (the list is below): An Obesity of Grief Playlist
FYI: An Obesity of Grief recently went out of print because my contract with the publisher expired. There are still a few available through Amazon (and some “used books” sellers there), but I’m in the process of re-publishing it under new ISBN numbers. In the meantime, I have several copies, so if you’d like to purchase a signed copy ($10, which includes shipping), send me an email and I’ll get one out to you.
The House that Built Me – Miranda Lambert; Holdin’ On to Yesterday – Ambrosia; I Love You – Climax Blues Band; Isn’t She Lovely – Stevie Wonder; Sirens – Pearl Jam; If You Leave Me Now – Chicago; I Won’t Hold You Back – Toto; Lonesome Day – Bruce Springsteen; Party Girl – Linda Ronstadt; Always – Firefall; More than a Feeling – Boston; That Was Yesterday – Foreigner; Beam Me Up – Pink; Who You’d Be Today – Kenny Chesney; Voices – Cheap Trick; Ghost – Indigo Girls; We Were Us – Keith Urban, Miranda Lambert; Mine Would Be You – Blake Shelton; Dance Without Sleeping – Melissa Etheridge; Gunpowder & Lead – Miranda Lambert; Washing of the Water – Peter Gabriel; Jezebel – 10,000 Maniacs; Black – Pearl Jam; Seeing You Again – Dan Fogelberg; White Flag – Dido; In My Life – The Beatles; Who Says You Can’t Go Home – Bon Jovi; My Thanksgiving – Don Henley; Nether Lands – Dan Fogelberg
Lynn Haraldson, Author and Writing Mentor 