What if he wins?

Phew! Your lives will be hugely, bigly enhanced! As big as his…hands!

You can finally kiss Social Security goodbye. You’ve been giving all that money from your paycheck to the government all these years; thank the lord you finally know for sure you’ll never see it again.

And those uppity women and their “stay out of my decisions about my body!”? Thank God there will be less of them because life-saving “abortions” (D&Cs) will be a thing of the past! And all those children they’re gonna have because their daddy/uncle/stranger raped them (Although that’s not really true. Everyone knows you can’t get pregnant if you’re raped, duh), and the babies with medical conditions that, if born, will  suffer for hours or perhaps days? Don’t worry about it! Voting for him, you’re doing God’s work. If the mother dies, that’s just God’s will! (If you wrap yourself a little tighter in the flag you’ll feel better, promise.)

And OMG, those UNIONS? Aren’t they just a PITA, demanding fair wages, family leave (after all, your mother, wife, children, YOU never get sick or disabled, right?), overtime pay, and healthcare (He has a healthcare plan…somewhere…give him four more years, he’ll find it somewhere, trust me), and worker safety? Screw that. Let the kids work! Ten, eleven, twelve years old? Put them in those jobs the people we want to deport are doing now! (Also, f*** the Department of Education and especially a college or trade education. We ain’t payin’ for that crap, are we?)

Speaking of those “illegals”… Give me a good detention camp. Separate those families and make them pay for picking lettuce, cleaning hotel rooms, building homes and government (oops…didn’t mean to let that slip) structures. Get ‘em outta here! You guys will happily fill in, right? RIGHT? Get in that bathroom, bubba. Scrub that vomit and shit off the toilet rim. Get out there in that field of cantaloupes, and don’t you DARE ask for a break, got it? That’s my boy. You know what to do.

Look, I know he lies. And he’s got a thing for dictators and Hitler, and maybe a little Putin puddin’ on the side (wink wink nudge nudge). But don’t you worry your simple little mind. We don’t need no BLACK WOMAN tellin’ us what to do! Hell no! Her and her support for first-time homeowners, middle-class tax breaks, lowering the cost of groceries, and lowering prescription drug costs (you don’t mind paying hundreds for your insulin, now do you?) can go f*** itself.

You don’t need ANY of that because you’re a self-reliant, God-fearing American who says “Screw the constitution!” It’s old anyway. And again, she’s a S-H-E and she’s…B-L-A-C-K. No one wants that.

Fly that MAGA flag and fly it proud. You’ve got nothing to lose!